Ode to the Brochette

NDASHAKA BROCHETTE ….


Goats you can find everywhere,
Fleet of foot and brown of hair
(Or white or black or grey or blue -
They come in every single hue).
The kids are cute – they bounce and play
And run about throughout the day.
They munch on grass and herbs and leaves
And generally seem quite pleased.

And they are easy on the eye
As on the road we pass them by
And to our lips they bring a smile
And even tempt us bide awhile.
But as we’re watching these chevrettes
The word were thinking of? – brochette!

So don’t run fast – that’s quick enough
Or else your meat will get too tough.
And we ignore your plaintive bleating
Because we know you make good eating.
To no avail your plaintive cries -
Tomorrow you’ll be served with fries!

Your destiny is all that matters
Served up on a shiny platter.
Slightly pink or half-cremated
(And usually long-awaited)
Drenched with salt and piri-piri
(You want some ketchup? Don’t be silly!
That would spoil the taste of goat -
The best Rwandan cuisine haute!)

Served up neatly on a skewer
Six bits of goat – or maybe fewer.
Bits of onion and green pepper
Means that they don’t stick together.
Or maybe you got zingalo
Which I have had three times or so,
Goat’s intestines neatly twined
(Though most of us are disinclined).

So now at last it’s time to eat
(and while the food retains some heat)
We choose a skewer and then try
With all our might and main to pry
A piece of meat from where it lies -
And therein lies the next surprise.

A fact that’s little understood
Is - goat meat glues itself to wood.
Like limpets fastened to a rock
Or pointy ears on Mr Spock,
Superglue, wallpaper paste –
None of these takes pride of place.
But goat on wood – once well attached –
In this respect remains unmatched.

Some groan and weep, some rant and rave,
And generally misbehave.
Some pull it off by dint of force,
Some try and use their knife and fork.
Some chew the meat off from the side
Some just give up and eat their fries.

While omelette-eaters munch with ease
And gulp their beer and eat their peas
And chips and beans and rice and cheese
And peppers, pasta – all of these
Part of an omelette rwandese.
(And in their minds the question burns –
When will these people ever learn?)

And when the battle’s won at last
And all have finished their repast,
One task remains still incomplete -
Remove the goat meat from your teeth!
Select a toothpick from the holder
(Remove false teeth if you are older),
Extract the lumps if you are able
And flick them high across the table.
Or take them out and reassess
Before deciding to ingest!

Brochettes are good, brochettes are fun,
Brochettes are always overdone.
Brochettes are fun, brochettes are cheap,
(Don’t eat them walking down the street).
Sometimes tough and rarely tender -
Maybe they should use a blender?