Notes from Nairobi 1

TUESDAY
Flew in from Kigali on the Bjumbura-Nairobi flight. Kenyan Airways was fine, got fed on a one hour flight (you forget people do this kind of thing when you are always going Ryanair). Got in to Nairobi, and found arrivals completely buzzing with people wearing masks and handing out forms for us all to fill out about swine flu! This took a long time, partnered with the visa entry procedures as well. What’s the big idea with swine flu? Hung around the airport for a bit and had a coffee because I like airports (Alfred: Bullshit! He had forgotten to write out the exact address of the hotel and was relying on finding an internet café in the airport to check the email where Charlotte had sent him all the details! Eventually he found a shop that sold maps and was able to figure out where it was from the memory of the Google Map Charlotte had attached! Intrepid explorer ….) Got to the hotel and, en route, had my first experience of Nairobi traffic (and taxi fares) – sweet Lord! The fare was about €20 but that was probably fair enough as it took an hour through insane traffic jams – like Pearse Street on a Friday afternoon. Nice hotel but, as so often happens with VSO, religiously run so no alcohol just when I most needed a beer!

So, interesting thing Number One. I am only booked in for two nights but as today is Tuesday and I am flying out Friday, that means (Alfred: as Herman would say), I have to spend …… three nights in Nairobi. Reception assured me they would either find me a room here or somewhere else for the third night.

Met a guy called Lauren who is working as a conservationist here but whose wife is a doctor (kidney-specialist) in Cameroon. He spent seven years in Cameroon but is now back in Kenya. He was really interested to hear about how things are in Rwanda – he figures they are going to become really important in the East African Community (Alfred: this becomes a bit of a theme later, be warned).


Explored nearby shopping mall, wandered around the supermarket for a bit just for the sheer pleasure of being in a supermarket, bought salt and vinegar-flavoured snacks (!) and some cane spirit (Alfred: health warning – DON’T!). The mall had the kinds of things I had forgotten existed – health food shops, hardware, specialist vegetables, BOOKSHOPS – two of them in one mall! There isn’t a single bookshop in all of Rwanda (Alfred: well, there are three places that CALL themselves bookshops … OK, forget I said anything, point taken). Had somewhat underwhelming dinner in the Gratia/Gracehouse Lodge – it was OK to be fair, actually really good by Rwandan standards (Alfred: he is writing this the FOLLOWING DAY, he has already got used to good food and service!) but the weird bit was the coffee at the end. Kenya produces some of the best coffee in the world – and I got a pot of water and a tin of Nescafé!! Then I retired to watch TV!!! Ah ha! Kenya has just had its first swine flu case – some poor bastard of a British student who spent all year fund-raising and then came out to build houses for orphans and, for his pains, is Kenya’s new Typhoid Mary. That’s what all the fun at the airport is about!

WEDNESDAY
Well, interesting day indeed. Got up late (0700), had breakfast of sausages, beans, tomato and toast with REAL coffee and chatted with my new friend Lauren from Burkina Faso (in English and French). Turns out that is where he is from and he is looking for a job here for his doctor wife so she can come and join him. He was REALLY interested in talking about Rwanda’s new linguistic policy – hope to run into him again!

Then off to shopping mall where I bought a newspaper and discovered that the only place in all of Kenya showing Star Trek is Kisumu, site of the swine flu outbreak and a LONG way from Nairobi! Ah well. Then spent an hour in the bookshop! Oh, the bliss. I swear I just went around and fondled the things. Bought a Stephen King (Dreamcatcher, brilliant) and a Kenyan novel. Chatted to a Kenyan teacher who was hanging around waiting for three colleagues to buy books for the school library (Alfred: more on this in the forthcoming ‘Kenya v. Rwanda’ feature). Hung around hotel a bit and then decided to walk to the hospital for my MRI to kill some time. Called in to the VSO Kenya office en route to alert them to the accommodation problem. They immediately rang the hotel to assure them that whatever the hotel arranged was OK with them. I told the lady at reception I was off to the hospital and she wished me good luck (as did three other staff who called by!).

And off I went. Well. Got to the hospital early (1315 for a 1400 appointment) but figured it always pays to check in early. Too right. Yes, my appointment was on the system but where was my referral documentation or Hospital Appointment form? Apparently someone – whether VSO Rwanda or Kenya – should have given me the documents which would tell the doc what kind of MRI I needed (apparently there are various kinds) (Alfred: Betcha Orla would know!). So, what to do? (Alfred: And, without the documentation, there is no evidence of insurance cover either!) So, did I have my credit card with me? Well, yes but in the hotel because everyone kept telling me stuff gets stolen in Nairobi so I left it behind. In a taxi, back to hotel, grab card, back to hospital, go to Casualty, register, pay 1200 shillings (€14), get triaged, explain I am doing this because I need an MRI, get in queue, eventually (Alfred: and MUCH faster than would be the case in Ireland) get seen by a doctor. Explain story. He writes me out an order for an MRI. Go to cashier and pay $250 for MRI (thank God the credit card worked). Then head to Radiography. It is 1615 and my appointment was for 1400. They tell me they will stay late and take me at 1715! (They usually close up at 1700).

The MRI itself was …. strange. My dear friends Jane and Jane (Keenan and Dawson-Howe) had already scared the crap out of me with their accounts of MRIs (Alfred: Keenan, yes but Dawson-Howe? You sure about that?) In the end, because it was just my knee, they only fed me into the machine up to the chest but even that was enough to get my claustrophobic tendencies going! And the noises? It was like one of Andy Crow’s Kraftwork or Chemical Brothers soundtracks. I swear I could have run an all-night rave on the variations. Anyway, it took 26 minutes and then Nicholas told me the results would be available the following afternoon. Because it was so late, they couldn’t be processed until the following day so around 1700 was the earliest I could get them. He suggested I go to the orthopaedic unit and make an appointment for 1800 or later tomorrow or else just collect the stuff Thursday evening or Friday morning and bring it back to Kigali for someone to look at. I said I would think about it!

Damn! Still no idea what is going on! I got into a taxi and decided to spoil myself. I asked if he knew a restaurant called Carnivore and he did but told me it was a long way away – 1000 shillings worth (€11). I didn’t care. Got there and had a meal. OMG. Meat, meat, meat. Stuff I had forgotten existed. Spicy butternut soup to start. Then – pork sausages, spare ribs, roast chicken breast, roast pork, roast beef, roast chicken wings, crocodile, ostrich meatballs, roast lamb, roast chicken thighs, more roast beef, more roast pork and another genuine pork sausage to finish. (Alfred: pork ribs and chicken wings were nondescript, crocodile not very nice, everything else fabulous). Also one potato, a green salad, some spinach, six sauces (garlic, wargberry (?), barbeque, mint, apple, and chilli), a bottle of house red and coffee. Cost a bloody fortune and I didn’t care. (Alfred: in the interests of accuracy, it was 5,000 shillings or about fifty quid!) Then another 1,200 for the taxi home.

More thoughts on the restaurant anon – it’s midnight and my bed calls. An everlasting ‘Thank You’ (!) to Ciara O’Connor for posting that video on my Facebook page – my revenge will be served cold.