NIE FEDER LAHM SCHULE

Our recent holiday in Europe was mainly to attend my mother's amazing 75th birthday party, which was held on the 9th August. In honour of the occasion I offer my very own poetic tribute, modelled on Henry Wadsworth Longfellow's epic poem Hiawatha. This is the first section - more will follow.

(Alfred: For those not aware of the fact - without wishing to spoil the suspense or anything - Ruairí managed to fall and hurt his knee quite badly during this event. So. Just so you know. OK? Might help with understanding the title (if you speak the appropriate language) and will definitely help with the first footnote.)

NIE FEDER LAHM SCHULE¹

(With interjections and explanatory footnotes by Alfred)

I

By the Rock of mighty Cashel

Tipperary’s fertile heartland

Lies the house of Ruairí’s mother

By trees and flowers all surrounded

(Seriously – quite surrounded

More trees than you can shake a stick at

Should you want to be so stupid)

Family and friends did gather

For to² celebrate her birthday

Really a momentous birthday

Seven and a half full decades

Since her birth in lovely Paris

(Capital of France is Paris

Home of poetry and wisdom

Boulevards and famous buildings

Museums and the Eiffel Tower

Degas, Monet and Picasso

(Yes, Picasso lived in Paris!)

Fresh baguettes and milky coffee

La Marseillaise and Edith Piaf

Jacques Chirac and Quasimodo -

Maybe that’s enough on Paris).

Preparations had been started

Months and months before the birthday

Marquees booked and traitors³ ordered

Extra fridges in the garage

Invitations by the hundred

All the family invited

Coming from the world’s four corners

Delaware and fair Ohio

Bogotà and Amazonas

Philippines and farthest Thailand

Greece and Germany and Laos

Switzerland – and even England!

France and Spain and many others⁴

Salmon poached, (a lot of salmon)

Lasagnas baked to feed the hungry

In the days before the party

And the days after the party

And even on the day of party

Just in case there was a shortfall

(Irish people⁵ hate a shortfall).

Footnotes by Alfred

¹           This was originally going to be entitled ‘The Ballad of Wounded Knee’ until I pointed out that  a) it wasn’t a ballad but a poem in trochaic tetrameter based on the famous poem ‘Hiawatha’ by Longfellow and    b) wittily naming your poem after an infamous massacre of native American Indians – however clever the play on words – might just come across as a tenny-weeny bit insensitive. Not that I want to be a killjoy or anything. 

As for what the actual title means, all will be revealed at the end. You could try putting the title into Google Translate if you want to.

²           With apologies to Pegeen Mike in Act 1 Scene 1 of ‘The Playboy of the Western World’

³           OK, if you don’t get this look up the French word for ‘caterer’

⁴           I think we can all see what he is doing here. Nice try, Memory Boy.

⁵            As opposed to which people that love a shortfall? Maybe Mongolians – after all a shortage of fermented yak butter has to be good news, yes?